How to Educate Children to Be Obedient

"How do you educate children to be able to hear the words of adults?" This was Aline's question — a member of the sekolah-kehidupan@yahoogroups.com mailing list — when I posted a post titled: "[Hero Children Series 2]: 7 Important Things to Educate Children" on the mailing list. Having a submissive child, is indeed the dream of the ortu. It's just that, one thing we must understand, a child, regardless of age, has his own desires. And that desire is very different from the wishes of adults. From there, there is a difference in desire between children and adults. This is actually a common thing and it doesn't matter if we as adults are able to respond well. But what often happens is that we respond incorrectly: we do not want to understand the child's wishes and force the child to follow our wishes. Why did this happen? One answer is because adults do not understand the stages of educating children.

Before I answer Aline's question, it would be better if we, at a glance, know the seven stages of educating children, as well as the developmental phase of human psychology, namely: 1) the pre-birth phase (marhalah ma qabla al-wiladah); 2) the phase of breastfeeding (marhalah ar-rodho'ah); 3) children's phase (marhalah hadhonah); 4) the pubescent phase (at-tamyiz aw ath-thifulah end); 5) youth phase (al-bulugh wa asy-shabab); 6) adult phase (al-asyad wa ar-rashid); and the elderly phase (asyaikhukhoh) [God willing, "7 Phases of Education", I will discuss in the next writing].

Okay, let's answer Aline's question. Because what Aline asks for is my experience, so in formulating tips for children to follow our words, I take from my experience in educating my two children. The first child named Abdurrahman Vira El-Fatih, currently one year and eleven months old, on March 17, 2008, even two years. While the second child named Fathin Vira Rahima, my daughter is now seven months old. Based on my experience educating the two jewels of my heart, I share the following tips:

A child, especially a toddler, when he wants to express his desire, is crying. The meaning of crying for a person, not singular as an adult as a symbol of wholeness of heart - be it sad, or happy, but means a lot, it could be a cry to tell that he is hungry, urinating, defecating, there are animals (e.g. ants) that bite him, feel sultry, and so on. When the ortu does not understand the language or symbol of this baby's feelings, this is where there is conflict between children. One side of the baby cries because he wants something, but on the other hand, ortu does not want to hear crying.

To know the meaning of crying, we should look at the possible causes of our children crying. Over time we will understand and have our own instincts, what exactly is needed by our children. Especially if we diligently pay attention, think, even record when our children cry.

In the early months when I had children, my wife and I, tried to record the hours our son cried. Then, we remembered what made our son stop crying. For example, crying at 8:00 a.m., it turns out that after we saw the diaper, it turned out to be a bowel movement. Or, at 16:00 pm, crying again, it turns out that it is silent when given milk. And so on, until we memorized, the meaning of his cry. This is of course, very closely the pattern we give milk or food, whether regular or not. If regular, then we will easily predict when our child is hungry, peeing, defecating, and so on.

The next problem is what if our child suddenly cries, while we do not understand the cause at all and we want our child according to whom is silent? The easy way is to get your kids to play. For a child to play is everything. Because playing is the world to them. Play is the child's learning, work, and life.

#Tip 2: Distract her.

How do you feel when your child slams your beloved phone? Or, banging on your computer/lap top? I think anyone would be angry if someone wants to ruin it.

That's how it happened to me. My computer has changed power three times, because the computer often turns off suddenly. Key board three times change, because it is often hit. My wife's phone was destroyed, slammed by my son. Two house calls were damaged, because they were often thrown. His four beloved Qurans were torn apart. The dictionary that accompanied me and my wife to study, was not clear the form. And many more of our belongings, ruined by our beloved son.

Didn't my wife and I try to save those things? O no! We've antisifasi everything. But, out of nowhere did my son have the idea to do something outside of our shadow. For example, to take the phone we placed on the table, my son looked for a chair, cardboard, or book he stacked, in order to reach the phone. Or, my keyboard was taroked over the monitor, it turned out that by all means, he could go up and pick it up. So on, our son did something unexpected, not even in our brains.

Well, usually, if he's playing those things, then we take them, let alone grab them without compromise, he'll cry. It's a dilemma for us, is our beloved stuff broken, or do we let it cry? Of course, neither is a good choice. We want our goods not to be damaged and our children not to cry. The trick is to distract him. For example, he is damaging our dictionary, so switch it with his favorite book. He will release the things he holds, if we offer him more interesting items.

#Tip 3: Flirt and talk carefully.

For children who can already talk, or at least already understand what we are talking about, then this solution of course we need to try. My son, almost 2 years old, could only say a few words, but he already understood what we were talking about. He could name one of his limbs. He also understood that we told him to close the door, take a chair, bring a book, throw away his diaper, and so on.

When my eldest son snatches his sister's toys or belongings, seating, shoes, scarves, even a hijab, then I flirt and talk carefully that it belongs to her sister. Funny indeed, my eldest son is a boy, but he often snatches my daughter's tiny headscarf. Not for him to play, but he wants to wear it like his sister and mother. Usually, I flirt, that it belongs to his sister and that the item is special to his younger sister. Wallahu a'lam, whether he really understood my seduction or not, which is obviously often he followed my words.

On the living room wall, I placed two posters for my son to learn, one about Al-Arqom (Number), another about Al-Wudhu' (Ablution) and Ash-Sholah (Prayer). These two posters are depicted and in Arabic-English. While in my son's bedroom, I posted arabic posters of al-Hijaiyyah al-Mashowwaroh (Hijaiyah letters) in Arabic and English-language My First ABC posters. Both are full of pictures. I also provide special books for children with pictures. Well, here's my medium to teach my kids about the names of objects, animals, fruits, and numbers.

In addition, I use everything around us, to learn. For example walls, chairs, computers, carpets, books, brooms, and so on. In fact, if I buy kitchen needs, I use it for teaching media. For example, tomatoes, onions, chillies, potatoes, etc. For the beginning, only learn to know the names of the objects, not yet for the means of mathematics -- counting: adding, multiplying, multiplying, creating sets, distributions, etc.

The way I test how far my child's absorption is, then I often ask back what I've taught. Sometimes he wants to obey my requests, but more often he has his own desires and does not want to fulfill my request. So I thought, how, so that my wishes can be fulfilled by my child?

It was the idea to negotiate. Yes, my son in recent months, most like to be invited out of the house. Even every day, he forced me [how can I not say maksa, if he cries so that I change his clothes, put on his shoes, and hat, then he grabs my scarf and asks me to open the door, after that he tells me to wear sandals, keep taking me out of the apartment] for a walk. Here he is, I thought, he really wants to get out, whereas I really want my son to keep learning.