Tips on how to educate children

Author: Al-Ustadz Abulfaruq Ayip Syafrudin

Understand your child as a different individual. A child with another has a different character. Have different talents and interests. Therefore, in absorbing knowledge and practicing it is different from each other. Often cases, especially in young couples, parents experience "syndrome" of the first child. Driven by high idealism, they treat children without regard to aspects of the child's development and growth. For example, children are pumped to be able to write and read at the age of 2 years, without paying attention to the level of ability and fine motor (ability to coordinate hand movements) children.

فَاتَّقُوا اللهَ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُمْ

"So fear Allah according to your ability." (At-Taghabun: 16)

Hadith from Abu Hurayrah radhiyallahu 'anhu, Prophet Shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam said:

فَإِذَا نَهَيْتُكُمْ عَنْ شَيْءٍ فَاجْتَنِبُوهُ وَإِذَا أَمَرْتُكُمْ بِأَمْرٍ فَأْتُوا مِنْهُ مَا اسْتَطَعْتُمْ

"When I forbid you from something, stay away from him. If I command you a thing, then give it as much as you can." (HR. Al-Bukhari, no. 7288)

The word مَا اسْتَطَعْتُمْ (as much as you can) indicates the ability and ability of a person to vary, multi-tiered, one with another cannot be equated. This is all due to the influence of various backgrounds.

Giving tasks should be in accordance with the growth and development of the child.

لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا

"Allah does not burden a man except according to his ability." (Al-Baqarah: 286)

Try to always appreciate the intentions, efforts and earnestness of the child. From Abu Hurayrah radhiyallahu 'anhu, he said: The Prophet Shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam said:

إِنَّ اللهَ لاَ يَنْظُرُ إِلَى صُوَرِكُمْ وَأَمْوَالِكُمْ وَلَكِنْ يَنْظُرُ إِلَى قُلُوبِكُمْ وَأَعْمَالِكُمْ

"Allah does not look at your form and wealth, but Allah looks to your hearts and deeds." (HR. Muslim no. 2564)

Don't berate your child for his failures. But give phrases that can motivate children to rise from their failures. For example, "Abi is not angry, Ahmad has not memorized Yasin's letter. Abi knew, Ahmad had tried to memorize. Next time, we'll try again."
q Do not yell, curse and demean the child. Especially in front of his friends or in public. Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala said:

وَقُولُوا لَهُمْ قَوْلًا مَعْرُوفًا

"And speak to them good words." (An-Nisa': 5)

It does not open the disgrace (lack, ugliness) that exists in children in front of others. From Abdullah bin 'Umar radhiyallahu 'anhuma, that the Prophet Shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam said:

مَنْ سَتَرَ مُسْلِمًا سَتَرَهُ اللهُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ

"Whoever closes a Muslim, Allah will shut himself down on the Day of Resurrection." (HR. Al-Bukhari no. 2442)

If your child makes a mistake, don't just point out his or her mistake. But give a solution by telling him the right thing he should do. Of course, in a wise way. 'Umar ibn Abi Salamah radhiyallahu 'anhu said:

كُنْتُ غُلَامًا فِي حِجْرِ رَسُولِ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَكَانَتْ يَدِي تَطِيشُ فِي الصَّحْفَةِ فَقَالَ لِي رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم: يَا غُلَامُ، سَمِّ اللهَ وَكُلْ بِيَمِينِكَ وَكُلْ مِمَّا يَلِيْكَ

"When I was a child in the care of the Prophet Shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam, I moved my hands in the tray (which had food). Then the Prophet Shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam advised me, 'O Ananda, say the name of Allah (i.e. read Bismillah when you want to eat). Eat with your right hand, and eat from the food that is near you." (HR. Al-Bukhari no. 5376)

Don't call or call your child a bad name. Like the saying: "Stupid policy!" This is based on the hadith of Um Salamah radhiyallahu 'anha, the Prophet Shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam said:

لاَ تَدْعُوا عَلَى أَنْفُسِكُمْ إِلاَّ بِخَيْرٍ فَإِنَّ الْمَلَائِكَةَ يُؤَمِّنُونَ عَلَى مَا تَقُولُونَ

"Do not call upon yourself except with something good. Angels will forgive you what you say." (HR. Muslim no. 920)

Multiply the words that contain the content of prayer in front of the child. Like a speech:

بَارَكَ اللهُ فِيْكُمْ

"May Allah bless you."

Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala said:

وَقُولُوا لِلنَّاسِ حُسْنًا

"And speak good words to men." (Al-Baqarah: 83)

Also always pray for the good of the child, as said By Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala:

وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

"And those who say, 'O our Lord, grant us our wives and our descendants as our comforters, and make us priests to those who fear.' (Al-Furqan: 74)

Try to always be wise in dealing with children's problems. It doesn't put emotions. It's not easy to impose sanctions. Explore every problem that exists in children with wisdom, tabayyun (clarification). Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala said:

وَمَنْ يُؤْتَ الْحِكْمَةَ فَقَدْ أُوتِيَ خَيْرًا كَثِيرًا

"And whoever is endowed with the wisdom, he has been blessed with many gifts." (Al-Baqarah: 269)

Try to be fair to the children and do good to them.

إِنَّ اللهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَى وَيَنْهَى عَنِ الْفَحْشَاءِ وَالْمُنْكَرِ وَالْبَغْيِ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ

"Allah has commanded (you) to be just and do good, to give to the people of relatives, and Allah forbids from heinous acts, imperiousness and enmity. He taught you so that you could learn." (An-Nahl: 90)

Avoid attitudes and actions that make children experience trauma, blocking (breaking down), lazy or reluctant to learn. Instead, create a pleasant atmosphere in learning. From Anas radhiyallahu 'anhu, the Prophet Shallallahu 'alaihi wa sallam said:

يَسِّرُوا وَلاَ تُعَسِّرُوا، بَشِّرُوا وَلاَ تُنَفِّرُوا

"Make it easy and don't make it difficult. Please, and do not make them run away." (HR. Al-Bukhari no. 69)

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